The Feminine Society

I've known Freek Bakker, my Dutch instructor for about two months, and I've never seen him as confused as he was when Kristin and I turned up for the Dutch final resit. We had both passed, but somehow we ended up sitting for that resit. I know I was a little concerned – I had just found out that my grades were going to get transferred back to my home school, which is, to say the least, an irritating prospect. I didn't do too bad on the final, but, all my life, I've been taught to make use of the opportunities around me, so when the resit was offered...I said why not? I had a B, but I could possibly make it into an A- or even an A. Plus I slept through my Social Trends class that morning, for the second time in two weeks, and I was feeling guilty. So I went. And there he was...so confused. “But normally, Dutch students, once they pass, will never sit for another test. I don't think they are allowed,” he said. Hmm. That’s interesting. Back then, I didn't know what to make of it. Now, armed with the knowledge gleaned from my Field Experience seminar I can explain the situation - it’s a difference arising out of the masculinity versus femininity of the society.

It is actually pretty simple. I come from a masculine society. So, I believe bigger is better. Better is not enough, you've got to be the best. To be the best, you have to rise to the top. To rise to the top, you must climb a mountain. And you cannot give up. Everyone expects you to climb that mountain. You'll feel better once you've done it. People will know you. That’s how you reach the ultimate goal of happiness and success.

Contrast that to my perception of the Dutch society. Bigger is not necessarily better, good things come in small packages too. Why bother going to the top? Do you not like where you are? What is this need to be the best? How do you even define best? You can go to the top of the mountain if you want, carrying all that hiking gear up that long arduous road, but you know what, I like my little hill. It’s not so difficult to climb, its not as cold, I get to have more fun climbing up and coming down, and I get to meet other happy people who live on this hill and in many other hills around me and below me. It’s not bad, I'm happy. What else do you need?

Fairy tales and fables all speak of great heroes who go and slay dragons, defeat evil wizards to rescue the princess and marry her and live happily ever after. We all grew up with those stories and still love them. But in my mind, one thing seems certain – there is no such “princess”. Happiness is completely arbitrary, and very individualistic. You cannot always follow a set formula to get what you want, because we are all too unique to achieve the same state of well being. All fingers are not equal. What we really need is a way to reconcile ourselves with our dreams and desires, and find that cushy spot where we are happy. That’s how life gets its meaning. That’s how I live my life, by striving to give meaning to every single thing I do. And every time I look back, I am filled with a sense of pride knowing that my life is made up of bits and pieces of meaningful treasured memories.

My only gripe with life...I still don't know where I need to go. I came to Amsterdam to find that part of my essential self which keeps eluding me. I've seen it several times, I felt its presence and its influence, but it keeps slipping away. I guess it’s not a bad thing. I think the search for the sunrise which is supposed to bring light and bath my world with energy will have its merits. If I knew where to go and what to do, then life would lose all meaning. Instead, I will continue to sail my boat in the ocean of life, hoping that one day I will find the treasure that we all seek. Happiness.